All the Single Ladies

 

Y'all....

I went to a wedding last night. 

It was beautiful, it was long-awaited (darn you, COVID), and so we partied like it was 1999.

But y'all....

You know that moment when they call all the single ladies to come out on the dance floor?
Truth: this moment is experienced differently depending on your age.

The 20's-and-below singles think this moment is fun. They are excited to get out on the floor because they WANT to catch the bouquet. Sometimes they jump on top of each other to get it, and then they tell their friends about it in excitement because someone (Santa Clause? I don't know) told them that they will be married next - and SOON - if they catch it.

On the other hand, the 30's-and-above singles pretend like they do not hear the Emcee. They have to be pushed and pulled out to the dance floor. And THEN, they jump out of the way when the bouquet is tossed to them. Why? Because some of them have caught it before and they weren't the next to get married so they know it's a LIE! Or maybe, because they LIKE being single. Or it could be, they just don't want the rest of the party to see how desperate they are to NOT be single. They play it cool.

This got me thinking. We should revamp this whole bouquet toss business. Let's divide up by age. If the youngins are happy with flowers that wilt before they find their spouse, fine. We old people know that the business of catching a spouse is not as easy as the business of catching some flowers. We can buy our flowers at the store; In the meantime, when you want to get us out on the dance floor, you might want to toss us something with a more immediate payout. Here are some preliminary ideas:

Vacation Packages - Always a Winner

Lotto scratchers - Sometimes a winner

I mean, ya know...

You can never go wrong with puppies*

*Disclaimer: I don't advocate ACTUALLY throwing puppies......far*